26 July 2013


Tadpole Jones has left the womb. With a bullet.

As a baby-cooker goes, I'm only mediocre. I get sick a lot, and things get complicated. As a baby deliverer though, I am a rock star. My hips are specialized machinery designed specifically for the shooting out of babies. And I proved it again with Tadpole Jones' arrival. In one and one half pushes.

The specifics of the labour and delivery are pretty typical. I had contractions, I went to the hospital, I wasn't progressing, I came home, I progressed like crazy all of a sudden, we went back, my doctor hurried things along a little, and SHAZAAM! Baby in my arms.

He is beautiful. And snuggly. And so incredibly wee. We are slowly (very slowly) transitioning from disposable diapers into cloth - trying one or two a day, to see fit, and absorption and all that stuff. But he is so tiny that even his newborn diapers are kind of huge on him. Fortunately, we scored a crapload of free disposables from a 'new baby' program at a drug store, so he should bulk up a little (particularly his chicken legs) before we run out.

Our poor cat is terrified of him. She is emotionally aggressive though, so she should be terrified. She routinely tries to smother Manthing in his sleep, which I find unacceptable and disgusting (she's learned that it can only happen if I am not in the bed), so I think I have a warranted concern that she might smother Tadpole Jones. So far she is keeping a safe distance, but she's become more emotionally aggressive with Girlchild, and when Girlchild tried to put an end to it, she scratched her. Guys, this is a cat that didn't react when Girlchild was 2 and anally violated her. And she scratched Girlchild because she was moving her out of her bed. So cat-watch is on. I think she remembers that her previous family turfed her because of a new baby though because she is terrified of me right now as well.

Anyhow. Back to Tadpole Jones, who is currently glaring at me like I'm deliberately starving him even though he just had a huge meal. He's had terrible gas and is a little jaundiced, so sleep has been rare. I had my baby-blues meltdown on day 3 and it lasted until day 5, when he started to improve. He's been less fussy (although right now is super fussy) and has been sleeping better, eating better and all that jazz. I have high hopes that I may sleep sometime before the year is out.

But he is everything that a miracle baby should be, just like my first. So now I have 2 miracles. Despite the temptation to go for one more and become a saint, I think I'll stay right where I am.

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